Gottman Method

The Gottman Method is grounded in empirical research and offers proven tools that you and your partner can use to navigate difficult conversations and enhance your connection.

Machaela utilizes this approach because she has seen it work for many couples. When looking for couples therapy in Saint Louis and Webster Groves, this can be a great type of therapy to use. If you are not local to the area, couples therapy is offered virtually in Missouri and Tennessee.

Is Couples Therapy the Right Fit?

Couples therapy with Citrine Counseling is a good fit for any of the below concerns:

  • You and your partner continue to argue about the same things and it doesn’t feel like anything is changing. This can be around chores, emotional needs, managing busy life schedules with families, value conflicts, or emotional needs.

  • You notice that harmless conversations turn into arguments seemingly out of nowhere

  • There has been a recent affair, betrayal of trust, or feeling disconnected from old wounds that are still impacting your trust

  • Intimacy as a couple feels “off”, is limited, or not at the desired connection you are looking for

  • You want more fun in your relationship

  • You’re looking to increase mutual levels of respect and affection

  • There have been major life transitions that has disrupted your ability to connect

Research Behind the Gottman Method

The Gottman Method is backed by more than 40 years of research and clinical studies. Here’s what the data shows:

  • Improved Relationship Satisfaction: According to a 2015 study published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, couples who participated in Gottman Method therapy experienced significant improvements in relationship satisfaction and conflict resolution. The study found that over 75% of couples reported improvements in communication and connection after therapy.

  • Decreased Conflict: Research by Dr. Gottman revealed that couples who use the Gottman Method’s “Four Horsemen” technique (which focuses on counteracting negative communication patterns like criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) experience less toxic conflict and better problem-solving skills.

  • Emotional Closeness: A 2013 study showed that couples who engaged in Gottman’s methods saw a marked increase in emotional intimacy. This is essential for long-term relationship satisfaction and helps both partners feel understood and valued.

A field of wheat with orange poppies and tall green stems under a cloudy sky.

What to Expect in a Gottman Method Session

Gottman Method Couples Therapy is structured, yet flexible to address the unique needs of your relationship. Here's what you can expect during your sessions:

1. Assessment and Understanding

  • The first step in the process involves a comprehensive assessment of your relationship. We’ll dive deep into your relationship history, communication patterns, and current challenges.

  • Both partners will have the opportunity to express their concerns and goals for therapy. This session helps me understand the root causes of conflict and identify areas of growth.

2. The Sound Relationship House Theory

  • The Sound Relationship House Theory is a core component of the Gottman Method. This theory is built on the idea that relationships function best when there is a foundation of trust, respect, and shared meaning.

  • You’ll work on building your relationship’s “house” through key steps like building love maps (getting to know each other’s inner world), expressing fondness and admiration, and turning toward each other in moments of stress.

3. Managing Conflict

  • Conflict is inevitable, but how you handle it can make all the difference. In sessions, we’ll teach you tools to manage arguments without damaging your connection.

  • Key tools include:

    • The “Four Horsemen” (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) and how to avoid them

    • Gentle Start-Up: Learning how to bring up sensitive issues without triggering defensiveness

    • Repair Attempts: Strategies to de-escalate tension during conflict and repair hurt feelings

4. Strengthening Emotional Connection

  • The Gottman Method emphasizes the importance of emotional support, empathy, and understanding. In therapy, you’ll work on strengthening your emotional bond by validating each other’s feelings and showing active listening.

  • You’ll also work on sharing positive experiences and building shared goals for the future, which helps rekindle passion and affection.

5. Creating a Shared Vision

  • As your relationship deepens, it’s important to create a shared vision for the future. In Gottman Method therapy, you’ll work together to align your individual goals with your shared relationship goals.

  • We’ll focus on nurturing dreams, building a sense of purpose together, and maintaining an ongoing connection as life changes.

Gottman Method Benefits

  • Improved Communication: Learn how to have difficult conversations with empathy and respect.

  • Deeper Emotional Intimacy: Strengthen your emotional bond and feel more connected to your partner.

  • Conflict Resolution: Gain practical tools for resolving conflict without escalating tension.

  • Increased Trust and Affection: Rebuild trust and strengthen mutual admiration in your relationship.

  • Long-Term Relationship Satisfaction: Couples who engage in Gottman Method therapy report greater relationship satisfaction over time.